Sometimes the physical and emotional symptoms associated with arthritis can affect relationships, including sexual expression and enjoyment. However, there are ways to overcome these challenges.
Arthritis rarely affects the sexual organs, although vaginal dryness may be experienced by some women. However, the emotional and physical effects of the disease can sometimes impact on your appetite for, and enjoyment of, sex. If you experience a change in your physical appearance, such as weight gain or loss, or a decrease in mobility or energy, the way you view yourself may change. You may feel less desirable to others or physically fragile. If you are having a flare of your arthritis your joints may be simply too painful for you to enjoy having sex – and you need to be open about this.
The fear of pain may make it difficult to relax and enjoy sex and your partner may worry about causing you pain.
It is important to remember that if you can openly and honestly discuss these issues with your partner, arthritis can make you closer and may even improve your sex life. Remember, emotional intimacy is equally important for a romantic relationship – trust, honesty and openness help to build a secure intimate relationship.
Arthritis does not have to signal the end of an intimate relationship. You can learn ways to make the relationship work.
You will know from living with arthritis that moving an affected joint can be painful at times. Therefore, any physically demanding activity such as sex may cause discomfort, particularly if your hips or back are affected. Sex itself, however, will not worsen your arthritis, and there are ways to overcome any physical discomfort you experience. If sex is a regular part of your relationship, you should try to keep it so by finding new and comfortable ways to maintain and enjoy that intimacy.
It can be difficult and awkward to discuss sexual matters with your partner, even if you have shared a longstanding sexual relationship. However, it is important for you to try to talk about any concerns or fears you have surrounding sex. Work together to overcome difficulties by talking openly and honestly about how you feel both physically and emotionally. Expressing your fears with statements like ‘I am afraid that …’ provides your partner with the chance to reassure and support you.
Remember that your partner will have his or her own feelings about how your arthritis impacts on your sexual relationship. Make sure you share your fears and concerns. Listen carefully to what is said, then work together to ensure you both feel comfortable and physically and emotionally satisfied.
Work together to find positions and techniques that give both of you the most amount of pleasure with the least amount of discomfort. It is also important to let your partner know if something is either uncomfortable or pleasurable.
Arthritis does not have to signal the end of a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. With a little creativity, patience and planning, you and your partner can rediscover the pleasures of sexual intimacy.
Talk openly about how both of you are feeling emotionally and physically – this will help you overcome problems together. For example, fear of physical pain, or causing your partner physical pain, may make you apprehensive about sex. This can cause couples to withdraw from any physical contact so that even kissing and cuddling cease.
Your appetite for, and enjoyment of, sex is generally greater if you feel physically fit and well. So, staying active is not only important for maintaining your muscle strength and joint mobility, it will also help you remain sexually active.
While it may not be spontaneous, planning ahead is worthwhile if it makes sex more satisfying. Think about the times of day you are likely to be more rested and experiencing the least amount of pain. For instance, if you have morning stiffness, afternoons or evenings may be better times for sex. Also consider:
If sex causes discomfort, you may need to try different positions. There are numerous positions that will help sex to be both possible and enjoyable – for example, one or both partners could stand, kneel or sit. Finding positions that are both comfortable and rewarding will take patience and understanding from you both, but if you work together, you have the potential to reconnect with each other and develop a deeper level of intimacy. In particular, during this time of trial and error try not to lose your sense of humour as it’s important to ensure you have some fun along the way!
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